Can you describe your death experience?
"It was a sudden fear of death. The actual enquiry and ascertainment or discovery of 'Who am I' was over on that very day. Instinctively I held my breath and began to think or dive inward with my inquiry into my own nature. 'This body is going to die', I said to myself, referring to the gross physical body. I came to the conclusion that when it was dead and rigid (then it seemed to me that my body had actually become rigid as I stretched myself like a corpse with rigor mortis, thinking this out), I was not dead. I was, on the other hand, conscious of being alive, in existence.
"It was a sudden fear of death. The actual enquiry and ascertainment or discovery of 'Who am I' was over on that very day. Instinctively I held my breath and began to think or dive inward with my inquiry into my own nature. 'This body is going to die', I said to myself, referring to the gross physical body. I came to the conclusion that when it was dead and rigid (then it seemed to me that my body had actually become rigid as I stretched myself like a corpse with rigor mortis, thinking this out), I was not dead. I was, on the other hand, conscious of being alive, in existence.
So, the question arose in me 'What is this l? Is it this body who calls himself the 'I'? ' so I held my mouth shut, determined not to allow it to pronounce 'I' or any other syllable.
Still I felt within myself the 'I' was there the sound was there and the object calling or feeling itself 'I'was there. What was that? I felt that it was a force or current, a centre of energy playing on the body, working on despite the rigidity or activity of the body, though existing in connection with it. It was that current, force, or centre that constituted my personality, that kept me acting, moving, etc., as I came to know then and only then. I had no idea whatever of my self before that. Once I reached that conclusion, the fear of death dropped off. It had no place in my thoughts. 'I' being a subtle current had no death to fear. So, further development or activity was issuing from the new life and not from any fear.
I had at that time no idea of the identity of that current, or about its relationship to Personal God,
or 'Iswara' as I used to term Him.. Later, when I was in the Arunachala temple, I learnt of the identity of my personality with Brahman, and later with Absolute Brahman, which I had heard of in 'Ribhu Gita' as underlying all. I was only feeling that everything was being done by the current and not by me. Since I wrote the parting chit, I had ceased to regard the current as my narrow 'I'.
That current or 'Avesam' was now felt as myself not a superimposition.The awakening gave me a continuous idea or feeling of my personality being a current, force, or Avesam, on which I was perpetually absorbed whatever I did, read, or when I walked, spoke or rested.."
That current or 'Avesam' was now felt as myself not a superimposition.The awakening gave me a continuous idea or feeling of my personality being a current, force, or Avesam, on which I was perpetually absorbed whatever I did, read, or when I walked, spoke or rested.."
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