Friday, May 1, 2020

St John Of The Cross - In the joy of night

 Upon a darkened night
on fire with all love’s longing
– O joyful flight! –
I left, none noticing,
my house, in silence, resting.

Secure, devoid of light,
by secret stairway, stealing
– O joyful flight! –
in darkness self-concealing,
my house, in silence, resting.

In the joy of night,
in secret so none saw me,
no object in my sight
no other light to guide me,
but what burned here inside me.

Which solely was my guide,
more surely than noon-glow,
to where he does abide,
one whom I deeply know,
a place where none did show.

O night, my guide!
O night, far kinder than the dawn!
O night that tied
the lover to the loved,
the loved in the lover there transformed!

On my flowering breast,
that breast I kept for him alone,
there he took his rest
while I regaled my own,
in lulling breezes from the cedars blown.

The breeze, from off the tower,
as I sieved through its windings,
with calm hands, that hour,
my neck, in wounding,
left all my senses hanging.

Self abandoned, self forgot,
my face inclined to the beloved one:
all ceased, and I was not,
my cares now left behind, and gone:
there among the lilies all forgotten.


Sunday, April 26, 2020

Paul Hedderman - The Trip to What's Not Happening

Thoughts are like corn kernels, and you’re the popcorn maker. There is heat and they begin to pop, and you become aware of them.For a while the thoughts are just what’s happening, like trains going by. Then you inject all this buttery goo, making it about YOU. That’s when things get sticky.Feelings and thoughts do not bring you any meaning. You are injecting them with meaning. How do you do that? By making it MY thought and MY feeling.You open up the thought or the feeling as though it BROUGHT you the meaning, though the meaning is already in the files.Let’s say I have a belief that I’m lazy. The thought comes, “I haven’t done anything today.” It could just pass. But I think it’s about ME. Then all these meanings download from my files. I follow it on the screen and it takes me into a story into the mystical place in which Paul is really bad, where Paul hasn’t done anything in his whole life and has no value whatsoever. It’s a trip into WHAT’S NOT HAPPENING.People who go to Hawaii come back with a tan. But I go on this train trip to what’s not happening. Plenty of dilemmas out in the future and the past; so I return with anxiety, recrimination, and shame. The trip’s about ME and I have a great interest in it. Why? Because I’m identified with it all.The freedom comes when you lose interest in the dilemmas.How do you lose interest? By entertaining the simple message, “I’m not that.” You simply witness what is.Something shows up, and after that something else. A thought or feeling comes into awareness, does its little acrobatic act, then the circus packs up and leaves.Then you’re conscious of the next event, and the next. It’s a very smooth clean way of living, yes? Very fluid.In a while, if you don’t get engaged in the contents, you may become engaged in the CONTEXT — in the consciousness of what’s WITNESSING everything showing up — the station — instead of getting on the trains of thoughts and trains of feelings coming by, for them to carry you away.The activity of trains is not to stay at the station; they go. They pick up passengers and they take them somewhere. But you are the central station, the awareness, through which the trains constantly come in and go out.When you’re identified as a long-lasting independent separate entity it makes you a passenger at that station. Your drive is to get on a train in the hope that it’s going to take you somewhere. You have hopes and expectations and conditional desires that society has built into you, with the hope of arriving somewhere by doing or having. Having two kids and a picket fence and so on.These trains will come and we get on them and we call them the journey of life. Sometimes the trains are locals to a heaven, and the next stop is to a hell, and it goes on like that.Now in a sense all of these thoughts and all of these feelings and all the experiences you have everyday have been anchored into being by one act and one act only: Consciousness OF. You have been conscious of every experience that makes up your life. Without consciousness there could not have been any experience that might have been noted.So here we are at the station, which is consciousness — the sphere where experience is happening. Consciousness through this interface seemingly comes in contact with our world. By becoming conscious of thoughts there forms a sort of mental experience. It takes your attention and puts it into a realm of mind that no one else can go to; YOUR own realm of mind. Your own little What’s Not Happening.Rarely is your what’s not happening matching someone else’s what’s not happening. That’s why communication here is very, very difficult, since people are talking about what’s not happening. Their condition last week, or what they hope will happen. Their whole state of being isn’t being; it’s a state of was-ing and will-ing.The only true stated communication is being now.Every train is witnessed by consciousness. Each one came through the station. Trains to Philadelphia, trains to Boston, trains, trains, trains. It doesn’t matter their destinations, they’re all witnessed by the station. The station is the one stable thing for all the trains.So you’re like a station. You’re the interface for this world, for this experience.Every train with all its feelings and thoughts is noted — but only as it’s going through. Once it’s gone through its not the station’s business anymore, which is constantly awake to what’s happening. It’s also awake to the mental experience of what’s not happening. But it doesn’t get on any train that goes through the station. It cannot give up its station-hood to become a passenger on the train.It witnesses all the acts of you as a long-lasting independent separate entity which is just a mental process called selfing, getting on trains and getting off trains, having great expectations and great disappointments, and so on and so forth. All of the activity of selfing is being witnessed by the station. The station would no longer be the station if it got on the train. It would become a passenger.Our state as the station, of being a witness, has been forgotten. This consciousness has forgotten its own nature and has become identified with the projection of a mental process. The mental process that I like to call selfing because it’s a verb, not a noun. It’s not real. It only seems real by its sense of continuality.The sense of being a noun is that of being a passenger. The passenger is going to be totally affected by what train he gets on, or what train someone else gets on. I should not have gotten on that train, etc. on and on and on and on. Selfing, selfing, selfing.You will give the trains all the meaning they have. You do not know what comes with you when you get on that train. A lot of old ideas, a lot of beliefs; you are a catacomb of conditioning called the idea of being a self. And that gets downloaded on every little trip you take as a passenger.I can try to figure out which trains are the good ones, practice deciphering the hieroglyphics on the side of the trains so I can ascertain which ones might take me to heaven or to hell. That activity is hellish, so obsessed with trying to figure things out. There’s no lightness in that, it’s really heavy.Maybe I go looking for the Schedule of All Schedules! Maybe a really old one from a cave in the Himalayas that will tell me about all the trains, when they come in and where they go. Even so I’ll still be a passenger, without a sense of the true quality of my nature, which is consciousness, the station. Of witnessing.I’ll judge the train, that it’s to blame that I didn’t get where I wanted to go. Everyone said it would get me where I’m going! Something must be deeply wrong with the train — or else with me.If you feel the sense of separation and you have a belief that there is an eternal light, you’re going to write a story that you must have done something not to be in that eternal light. You’re going to feel deeply shameful and guilty about your condition here, and your life will be a giant dance, an attempt not to feel the unbearability of being the maker of all this. If it all pertains to you you’re going to feel responsibility for everything you see around you.Being at the station is like a long pause. The pause to me is like an eternal moment. There is no time in a pause.So entertain a pause. You can live in that pause. That’s the station. It is a recognition of what’s obvious, here in the moment. Your mind, when introduced to what’s obvious, has the ability to be convinced by its own recognition that this place is totally crazy and contrived, that it’s a dream. An active realization takes place. Because it’s so easy to see what’s not happening for what it is – what’s not happening!The simple recognition that your mental experience is truly not happening on the level you think it is, that’s your release. Your relief.

The Trip to What's Not HappeningText by Paul Hedderman / Edited by James Saint CloudWednesday, June 23, 2010

thanks to Roxane Chapdelaine


Nancy Neithercut - For all seekers

(I must admit that sometime Nancy's posts make me somewhat uncomfortable...On the other hand, there is nonetheless also a deep resonance with her unusual ways of saying/not saying "It" !)

For all seekers

 The belief in methods is the same as belief in separation, in self. It is the same as belief in personal volition. So when the belief in methods is questioned it threatens the seekers very existence.

The belief in a method or practice, or that this can be taught or learned or given away is the same as belief in separation, in other better more or next.

These are all ideas like peace or oneness or stillness or any goal that lies in an imaginary future which has never ever ever arrived.

The seeker is defined by the seeking, and if it is seen clearly like a bonk on the head that there is no next, and that without seeking, the seeker would disappear, there can arise a great fear.

As without a next there is nothing to do and no one to do it. All ideas of this and that and cause and effect simply become irrelevant.

Quite simply the belief in a path practice or method is the belief in separation. As that is what the self is, seekers will defend this at all costs.

I often ask seekers if they have ever found an other better more or next and they answer no, yet keep seeking. That is why it is a belief!

Inquiry does not lead to the shift Nothing does.

ALL trying seeking or trying to not try merely perpetuates the painful illusion of something to get and someone to get it.

The reason seekers get so mad when you say there is nothing that they can or cannot do to get this, and that there is no path to awakening, no method or practice, and really get miffed when they feel we are putting down their teachers or method is because it strikes hard at the core belief of who they are.

That they are a separate entity with personal volition, that there is something or somewhere other better more or next.

Awakening quite simply cannot be taught or learned or transmitted.

I am not trying to convince you of anything as awakening is not a belief or understanding. It's not about getting rid of beliefs through any sort of process. You are beliefs. You cannot erase yourself. Emptiness cannot be pointed to. There are no two.

How could I give you nothing? Where would you put it?

There is no path to nowhere. There is nothing an imaginary character can or cannot do in order for this to happen, as it does not happen to the imaginary character.

It is a shift that occurs in the brain. You and all imaginary thingness are created by the brain. You are a streaming thought dream. That would be like a deep river trying to change the rains and mountain springs that formed it, or a ball that has been thrown trying to change the hand that tossed it.

And if it seems like I am putting your favorite teachers down, well, I am not saying they should not be doing this as they are Choice less holograms, as am I. I am not saying you should not be following them. I am saying that there is no you to do anything or nothing.

A sage is confined to the dream just as a seeker is. Yet I hear your screams as you try to escape your beautiful humanness, to escape the only world you can ever know, to expand your consciousness etc. To realize that you are some thing not human like timeless awareness or a true self. Trying to reach some imaginary place. Some mountain top with rarified air.

And I sing, There is no better more other or next.

This is it coyote

It should be self evident that who charges money for a satsang knows that if you pay money you expect to get something.

No one can give you anything, no one can give you nothing. There is no path to nowhere. You will never ever get this, no one ever does.

No one in the history of mankind has ever been enlightened.

There's nothing to get. No prize to attain. You will never get there from here as there is no here nor there nor you to go anywhere or no where.

Anyone who believes that there is a method or a practice that leads to awakening still believes in separation.

Still believes that there is a separate person who can or cannot do something and still believes that there are separate moments.

Other better more or next, like cause and effect cause and effect, is made up, just like you.

The objectifying brain creates a virtual reality of this and that, of tress and rainbows and love. some of these made up things refer to things physical like trees and bodies, some of these names refer to things totally imagined like gods and selves.

These ever swirling thoughts of future, memories and the ongoing description of perception of sight sound touch bodily sensation, paints a story of what is going on appears. A pseudo reality, magical really, and in the center of all these thoughts there seems to appear a center.

A thinker of thought, a feeler of feeling, a toucher a see-er a listener, and this imaginary center feels separate.

it never feels quite right, and for some made up characters it feels downright hideous, so these people we call seekers search for a way out of the pain and this becomes their life story.

They may hear of oneness or wholeness and that sounds good, so they try all kinds of things to join together all these separate pieces.

But all trying merely perpetuates the illusion of someone trying

It's like chasing your tale or trying to patch the sky together after the lightening seems to separate it into shards.

Some of these techniques seem to work as they give a glimpse of a peace that the seeker longs for.

Perhaps he feels like he is disappearing for just an instant, as when thought ceases for just a brief moment you and all thingness disappear.

Yet until Thought returns there is no knowing of this thought free state.

When he returns he just believes that he is doing something wrong and tries harder.

The techniques that seem to work and that give a temporary relief to the pain actually perpetuate the illusion of separation.

ah ha! the person cries! I have done something that works! eureka! I am a doer. The circle simply keeps on spinning spinning tightening the noose and there are millions perhaps who are meditating constantly

Looking for that peace, longing to make it go continuous, looking for wholeness.

Seeking, basically to stop looking, desiring to end desire, seeking to stop the endless search, longing to let go. Yet longing to be held. For if the seeking stops, the seeker disappears.

The seeker Is the dream of other better more next, and ya know, everyone knows deep down in the very pit of their being, that there is no other better more next, and no one to go there for if there were no next...

what would you do? what could you do?

You have a glimpse of this feeling of life doing itself this edgless centerless flow and you will do anything to try to get it back.

Yet all trying nearly perpetuates the illusion of separation

All of life always occurs all by itself There are not a bunch of separate things that are interconnected. There are no things nor non things. This unicity although it really has no name or non-name is always on. It is intuited and cannot be captured with words or known in a conventional sense because it is beyond belief imagination or understanding.

And although there may seem to be techniques in order that you may feel this all these techniques do is give you the idea, perpetuate the illusion that there is a you who has done it or can do something for this to happen As it is always on it need not and cannot be brought about a new

And this recognition this deep knowing feeling tone of seamlessness can go continuous there is a seamless ease that embraces the mind and the most wondrous sense of awe. But you as an imaginary piece of sky can do nothing for the brain to recognize that there have never been any pieces of blue.

You are that desire you are the clinging that attempt to grasp the magic and you cannot let go.

The idea that there is truth or an ultimate reality that can be known or that there is someone to know it is simply an idea.

That there is a place to rest. That there are any things whatsoever or any reference points whatsoever.

It can be known in the deepest sense not conventionally and felt always that all separation is made up And this simply cannot be spoken of as every word seems to divide up this seamless edgeless vast expanse.

You are the dream not the dreamer. This is it coyote. The only world you can ever know.

All that can happen is there is an awakening to the made up mentally fabricated nature of this pseudo-reality. We use the word dream or dreamlike or a magicians tale or pseudo-reality or virtual reality. But really it has no name or non-name Yet dream seems to be about the closest that many of us come to describing the knowing feeling that all separation is made up.

It is an unfindable untouchable un-pinpoint-able edgeless vast expanse ever emerging never done nor undone seamless fleeting momentary without time nor non time neither moving nor non moving.

That has no name nor non-name Unknowable yet felt deeply. There is no knower without perception. There are no two. Not one not two not none.

All we can know is that there is an un-interrupted indivisible symphony of what we call perception and the simultaneous recognition of it. it is known and felt deeply. This pulsating aliveness vibrantly appearing as anything at all.

And as there are no separate things nor separate moments nor separate perceiver nor separate thing called life, you indeed are it. You are simply and most magnificently awareness aware that it is aware through this symphony of perception this streaming dream of you of me of we.

Only with this objectifying brain can there be this imaginary twoness. Where never and forever crash into each other. Where meaning and meaninglessness dissolve into and through each other. Where inside and outside stream through each other and disappear.

thinglessness is simply inconceivable unutterable, and most marvelous.

here thinglessness happened all of a swoosh. but it subtly felt like it had happened to a me

I think this is where most teachers are. Still believing in a holder of things and so they feel they have arrived somewhere or attained something as I did, so they teach methods and practices.

This it is the end of everything and nothing, the end of everything you have held to be true about yourself and your world including ideas of truth. Or that there is someone to have a world.

(I think other teachers have had glimpses and are trying desperately to get it back, and so recommend the practices they believe led to the glimpses).

it took two more years here for all the last beliefs to crumble until there was not even nothing left, the holder of things was seen to be utterly imaginary. I didn't even know it was happening but I did notice beliefs and self judgement and self correction sliding away. It is known without a doubt that this cannot be learned or taught or given away, that awakening is utterly uncaused.

Self is any belief that there is a something stable and unchanging versus a world 'Out there', which is filled with changing separate things.
Even an idea of a true self or timeless awareness or pure consciousness is still belief in separation.
And the belief in separation is painful
But you as an imaginary character cannot do nor not do anything or nothing to get rid of it as you are it.
In the end there is no need or confirmation and little concern for what others believe or think about this shift as it is undeniably present always.

There is no doubt and no place to for it to arise that this is what you have been seeking your entire life, and yet it is nothing at all