Nancy Neithercut - A sigh of love

 

The idea of 'happiness' or 'love'
was beginning to seem
like a dream
that would never ever come,
and yet my desire for love
pierced me deeply
and ripped me  
shredded me
and emptied my dreams
of love and magic and time
until there  was nothing left,
not even a skeleton’s dance

Awakening is not
a walk in the park.
I kept looking and looking
for what could  
never ever be found …
a better moment...
another moment...
all my dreams of  what life
or love should be like
started to crumble.
It just kept smacking me
in the face
… over and over and over again,
that this is it,
whatever it looked like,
I had no control over thoughts
feelings
sensations...
of life itself.

I realized that all perception
no matter what it looks or feels like
happens all by itself...
and that all  perception
and its inseparable recognition
arises equally and evenly
without  doing a thing...
simply 'out of the blue'
thoughts
sensations
feelings
arise
and spontaneously,
without any effort or non effort
there is a recognition of them,  
and it dawned
hitting me like a freight train,
that I had never been separate
from  what's going on.

In the end there was
not even nothing left.
Not even  emptiness...  
and there was not even
a me to be empty.  
And a sigh of love rushed in.
Caressed me
found me,
animating my
empty shadow
dancing
in the dark
in the wake
of loves demise…

 

 

https://nancyneithercut.substack.com/