My heart was just breaking...
And yet strangely there was the utter peace of the quiescent centre that never left...
Even as my feet crossed the thresh hold...
There was not the slightest inclination to look back...
There was no back left...
Nor front...
The heart was just collapsing into itself...
And there was simultaneously...
An utter peace with it...
Even as the life I'd known...
The life that I'd called home...
Was evaporating right in front of my eyes...
Homeless I stood for a second...
One foot in...
And the other out...
The door...
My throat caught between a laugh and a cry...
I stood there stripped naked...
Of a lifetime...
And the feet began to move... of their own accord...
The caterpillar approach... suddenly gone...
The tendency to grasp the next leaf...
With the fore legs
Before the letting go of the hind...
Centerless the world spun...
Brilliantly hued...
I had lost my mind...
And love bubbled up...
And overflowed...
All over the land...
Colouring the world...
Hullo sunshine...
Life was heartbreakingly beautiful...
Even as it turned towards everyone and everything again...
Even on the me I had left behind...
It was like looking upon my self...
Everywhere and yet nowhere to be found...
Seeing as if for the first time...
Through baby eyes...
As love curled its fingers around itself...
And there was nothing there to grasp...
Not even love...
And I no more know what to call this...
It's not even as if you and I are each other...
As opposed to being separate selves...
Feels more like where you and I are not...
Yet there I cannot hold you close...
Nor kiss you...
Nor call you beautiful...
Or say I love you...
Only in this imaginary realm...
Can I call it love...
And say I love you...
Kissing you...
Kissing me...
It's impossible to make head or tail of it...
But how could I even begin to describe this...
The bliss of the hole in the heart...
An emptiness I'd been running away from...
The nothingness of it all...
And the everything-ness...
The emptiness... lush with the fullness...
The Nothingness Of It All...
Silent words arising...
The ocean sighing...
Collapsing back into itself...
Back...
Into...
The Nothingness Of It All
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