Friday, April 15, 2016

Nancy Neithercut - Uncaused

And you feel this utterly obvious marvelous vibrant aliveness............ and you cannot capture it ........ it has no name.......... it has no place
it is soooooooooooooo grand,,,,,,,,,,,, it must be outside of you, you assume......... you couldn't possibly be this..........
an unseen unknowable source............... so powerful
seemingly animating all and everything..............

and this magic this magnificence fills you and pours though you and empties you ...........leaving you breathless..........

and yet you feel it inside of you too

it is always on, looking and feeling like anything at all
it has never been separate from you
you have never been separate from it
there is no inside nor outside
like the horizon
here and there
this and that
me and you
is an idea

if you cannot capture it
you cannot step outside of it
there is no outside
no edge to what is going on

it is almost unbearable to realize
that you are it

Most people expect awakening to look like a certain thing
Feel a certain way
Awakening is not a belief or philosophy or a set of rules to live by
It cannot be taught nor learned nor given away
It is not a special state of bliss

Most people expect awakening to look like a certain thing
Feel a certain way

When it is the end of expectations of what life or self should look or feel like

It is an utterly uncaused shift in perception
When it is realized and felt deeply that there are no separate things divided by space nor separate events divided by time

This always on recognition of unicity is like A calmness and utter ease a deep profound peace that embraces the mind

and as there are no separate events no better nor worse no before nor after it cannot be caused

And as there is no separate self
There is no one who can step outside of what is going on and change it or manipulate it in any way
Have you ever found a better more other next
Often the expectations of what it should be like is the last barrier
People expect self to disappear
Without the beautiful lens of self there is no awareness aware that it is aware
As it requires imaginary twoness order to recognize unicity

So people have an experience of non-self and when self returns they become worried

But this obviously shows the magnificence that there is no chooser or do er

You are the most painful idea
the belief in separation
The feeling like you are separate from what's going on
And that feels like a gaping wound in your chest in your heart in the very marrow of your being
A place that you cannot pinpoint feels ripped shredded apart from the fabric of life
And trying to mend the tears to fix what was never broken
To glue a gazillion shards of mirror together
Trying to cut out one piece of sky
And put it someplace else
Is frustrating and painful
And leads to more frantic fruitless effort

You are that feeling of lack
And nothing can be done to fill that hole in your heart
There is nothing outside of what's going on
So where would this thing come from

Aching to stop aching
Trying to stop trying
Desiring to end desire for other better more next
When deep down you know
There is no other better more next

It is a self propetuating loop that cannot untie itself
Somehow the brain sees through the cage of words and recognizes that all separation is made up
And there is no thing needed to fix the self or others or the world

This shift is uncaused
But it is most often preceded by a personal armeggedon
It hurts like hell

It's not that the self dies
It most certainly feels that way

1 comment:

  1. "Without the beautiful lens of self there is no awareness aware that it is aware..."