one day i fell awake
how random
glancing up from my computer screen
all points of reference
disappeared
i called my mother
asking if i was sane
people appeared as ants
scurrying to and fro
watching in fascination
i wondered
where were they rushing to
and for what purpose
it was as if
i was falling out of an airplane
without a parachute
plummeting
tumbling through open space
dropping
with absolutely nothing
to hang on to
i don’t take drugs
and as a therapist
i was certain
a psychotic break was not occurring
reality fractured
and through jagged edges
and shards of brokenness
i saw into emptiness
gently peeling away
earth's crusted edge
feeling into
what it is like to have
nothing define you
at all
i wondered
if i was outside a scene
of a movie
or above watching it
confused
i went to the only place
i could think of
google
inputting my symptomology
up came
the end of your world
by adyashanti
it’s the only thing that made sense
his words coalesced
congealing
amalgamating
into magical paragraphs
of kaleidoscopic rainbows
on which i could slide
meanwhile
in the world of duality
there was good news
and bad
feeling now
as if i could float in the rain
on clouds parting the sky
revealing shimmering shards of love
cascading silver skies
there was also
accompanying it
a glitched matrix
frosted with
an inability to be in denial
about anything
those convenient lies
we tell ourselves
to protect
what we hold most precious
laced with the coziness
of secreted self-deception
vanished
a ten year marriage
collapsed
suddenly my boys and i
were knocking doors
trying to find shelter
miraculously life parted
leaving me in the middle
whilst it laughingly threw at me
extreme lessons
meant to scrub out
lasting stains of stubborn ego
whilst in moments of sheer agony
there was always a door left ajar
through which sparkled
a multi-dimensional
multi-colored trail
of limitlessness
five years past now
the egoic glass of water
runs ever clearer
and when a black grain of ego
ensconces my soul
the pain is indescribably
excruciating
for once one has tasted
been engulfed in
the light of pure stillness
the shrieks of a dying
desperate ego
juxtapose
starker
then
leaning back
swallowed in
by the sweet nectar
of realization
the illusion collapses altogether
and ‘tho i wouldn’t wish this on
anyone
the remnants that remain
energetically recalibrate
into multicolored strobes
of fascination
déjà vu
a daily occurrence from divinity
gently guides me
without a compass
life flows
glowing in synchronicity
gently
like water
cascading silently
over fresh supple watercress
in a summer spring
things are more of a feeling
as holes are blown in the circuitry
and old navigational systems give way
to merging
with phosphorescent luminous colors
shining forth
from floursecent blades of grass
birthing
emerging out of fresh morning dew
the more appearances
are outwardly chaotic
it is apparent
third dimensional ground
is breaking
scattering into
tethered threads of despair
whilst a magical hand
weaves with majestic mastery
a new dimensionless
egoless dimension
of golden bronze nothingness
the secret revealed now
that all along
it wasn’t a dream
because
there is simply no dreamer
it’s an ethereal
illusory art
that of dancing
in the cosmos
unchoreographed
