The song, sings itself
Drowning into your own tears
All handholds of control
Fall through
A translucent mirage
Transparently beautiful
A meme-fied life, can at best be
Just that
Life shows up, as it does
And can look and feel like anything at all
All concern falls away
At some point I realised, that life... this deep impulse propelling me... had completely over taken me and I didn't even give a damn about my problems... or even if I was happy or sad
I tried for so long and so hard... to be happy
And this shift ain't about being happy !
That perhaps was the first inkling, I had, that it had nothing to do with me... personally
If I'd known what was in store and could have had a choice in this... good gosh
I'd have run a million miles
So fast
I would have left my feet behind
Not having any goal or outcome in mind... of how or what this is... or what to expect
Boy was I in for the shock of my life
I set out wanting to know the Truth... having absolutely no clue what that would look like or even if I'd recognise it, if it was staring me in the face
Having a preconceived notion of some sort of unending bliss... is the palliative dished out to the masses
An opiate
To dull the ache
But the pain doesn't go away
I had absolutely no grounding in formalized religion, or spirituality, or teaching, the words, karma, moksha, enlightenment, awakening, duality, even non-duality, realization...{ you get the drift } had no meaning for me
For that matter, the words, Guru and God, had no meaning either
All interpretations ceased
All demands of better or happier, fell away
These knots untie themselves
Beyond this... nothing is
Hope melts like ice into the ocean
And footprints of fear... can no longer be found
I stand on the balcony
The dark indiscernible from the night
And the light... from the sun
And find its all love
All love
Love itself... conceptualised
Fell through itself
Yet love was all that remained
Intuited unicity
Many believe, meditation or enquiry or grace of the guru will lead to the shift
It's like saying the tomato and cucumber sandwich I had for breakfast
Or the lilac dress I wore the other night
These may or may not have happened
The mind tries to connect the dots... and bend it to claim it as its own doing
It seems unfathomable to it, that it is it's own charade
The belief not only in volition, but also in a one to have it
Awakening is utterly uncaused
It makes me cry that people think they somehow have to be deserving of this, that is them!
Or they need to purify the body or the mind... or align their chakras or whatever BS...!!
Tears
There are no qualification requirements
Separation of any kind... even witnessing... is just that... imaginary lines where none exist!
Its like saying... separation can lead to unity
Any concept of oneness, isn't it
There never was, no one, nor two, nor nothing
A random response to someone's comment popped up
"If you are earnest and have an effective practice , there must be awakening sooner or later..."
Nope !!
Hahaha
If you are earnest and have an effective practice
Then all you are, is earnest and have a practice
The rest is wishful thinking
Including that the practice is "effective"
Is like saying that there's someone to get someplace
Or that there's even some place one needs to get to
From here to there
Like saying
"Are we there yet?"
Chasing one's own tail
In a catch me if you can game
A toy train
On a circular track
Looping back on itself
All effort-ing to keep the mind away from life
At arm's distance
Keeping life at bay
There's simply no escape...!
And here you are
Slam dunk
Where you always were
Ah... this intimacy
At once closer than close, even than your own breath
It was always your own love beckoning you back
When did I even want to run away
From the joys and the pain
From this gloriousness of being
And I taste the salt of my own tears
And it smells of the sea
And the fluttering of my heart
The leaves of a jamun tree
And the love that I feel
My own sweet embrace
A full bodied, Merlot
Drowning in its own juices
Again and again
And
Again...
~~Monica Dayakar
~~10/06/2015
