Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Jeff Foster - I Am



I AM

I must confess something. I am a murderer.

Wait, hold on. Do not be shocked.
I am only telling you something
you already knew
way before you were born.

I am a murderer. I am a saint. I am a prostitute. I am a thief. I am the homeless man rummaging through the trash cans by the gas station you pass every night on the way home from work. I am a vandal. I am an artist. I am a wild lover. I am all the oceans. I am creation and destruction. I am all the galaxies and stars. I am a giraffe. I am Mickey Mouse. I am the starving child on the TV with those hollow, staring eyes you cannot look into for long before your heart starts breaking. I am everything that moves you and everything that leaves you stone cold. I am American Idol. I am Mozart's Magic Flute. I am as vast as a Universe. I am tinier than the tiniest sub-sub-atomic particle. I am silent, yet I am as loud as seven thousand apocalypses.

I take all forms, yet I cling to no particular form.

I do not say "I am form". I do not say "I am not form".
I do not say "I exist". I do not say "I do not exist".
I do not call myself God, consciousness, awareness, presence, spirit... or even Life.
I have no name for myself. I am anonymous.
Yet all names are my own.

Humans fight and kill and die over the names they gave me.

They form religions, dogmas, systems of thought. They claim I am on their "side" (I take no sides). They say I belong to them (I belong to nobody and everybody). They try to figure me out. They even claim to be me, know me, channel me. Some of them claim to have found The One Path that leads to me. They always have, they always will.

They do not know. Their minds are way too limited.

Yet 'mind' is one of my many ingenious appearances.

I appear as everything, yet when you stop and look for me, you cannot find me. I play in the cosmic hide and seek. I sometimes appear when you stop looking.

I am these words, and all the spaces between them. I am the silence at the end of the sentences... and the expectation at their beginning. I am the black and the white of it, and every shade of grey, and every colour. I am the understanding and the lack of understanding. I am the similarity and the contrast. I am the separation and the unspeakable unity.

I am the eyes moving across this screen and the screen moving across these eyes. I am the seeing and all that is seen. I do not divide myself between subject and object. Separation is not my religion. I know nothing of 'I', yet I speak of 'I' for the simple joy of it.

I am male and I am female. I am East and West. I am inside and outside. I speak every language fluently. I am all that is, all that has been, and all that will ever be. I am now, and never now. I cannot be reduced to anything. Eternities pass in the space of a breath. Aeons are my lifeblood.

I am breathing you now.
I am the in-breath and the out-breath of you. I am every sacred, intimate breath.
I am every one of your thoughts arising and dissolving in the vastness.
I am every feeling surging like a comet through the universal body.
I am sorrow. I am anger. I am fire. I am water.
I am always here, whether I am recognised or not.

I am the "Am" even when the I is not.
I am nothing and everything, nobody and everybody.
I am the murderer. The murderer says "I am".
I am the saint. The saint says "I am".
I am the prostitute. The prostitute says "I am".
I am the child. The child says "I am".
I am the scientist. The scientist says "I am".
I am the dying man. The dying man says "I am".

The story of "I" is always different, yes. That is my creativity.
But "Am" is always the same. AM. OM. That is my unchanging nature.

Do not seek me. Do not look for me in time. Do not be proud that you have found me. I am not your trophy. I am not food for your hungry ego. Simply admit that I am already here. Admit that I have always been here. And live your life as a constant remembrance of me. Devote yourself to the joy of being me. Let your life be your love song. Let your actions and words express me, bring me into form.

I hide in the universal "I" but really there is none. I am sneaky like that.

I am your deepest wisdom. I was there at your birth. Do you remember?

With love,

The Beloved.



 

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